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THE MAGAZINE THAT DARES TO BE DUMB 





"S^rr 1 





THE MAGAZINE THAT DARES TO BE DUM DUMM DUMBE 



PAUL LAIKIN 
Editor Emeritus 



EDEN NORAS! 
Art Director D emeritus 



JIM OWSLEY 
Editorial Consult an 



ARON MAYER 
Editorial lnsultant 



ARTISTS THIS ISSUE: Kent Gamble. Murad Gumen, John Reiner, Walter Brogan, Ron Zalme, 

Mike Pardo, Brian Moore, Al Scaduto, Tony Tallarico, Vic Martin, 

Ray Blllingsley, George Siefringer, Bill Burke, Charles Nicholas and Avon Laikin. 

WRITERS THIS ISSUE: Michael Pellowakl, Murad Gumen, Roger Francis, Warren Emery, 

Hope Hirach, Freddy Josephs, Bob Hell, Howard Taylor, 

Virgil Diamond, Joe Kiernan and Marylyn Fontaine. 

FRONT COVER: Bob Larkin BACK COVER: Len Grow UNDER COVER: Tony Baretta 

ATTENTION KIDS: DON'T LET SCHOOL WORK GET YOU DOWN . . . FLUNK NOW AND GET IT OVER WITH! 




fajti:U-ij. i i..j.u^ Ktrir 

CRAZY MAGAZINE 1> published by 



v .,.„,<:* Group. Offlc* ol Publication: 575 MadUon Avanu*. N» Vgrii. N.V. 10023. Jame* E. Gallon, Pr**ld*nt; Si.ii L. 
lid al Now York-and at additional mailing office.. Published monthly. Copyright -c 1979 by M.rvel Comic* Group, a Division 

da. Subscription .ate - $11.00 U.S.A., S12.00 Canada. S13.00 Foreign, respectively lor 12 laeuea Including postage. All bualnee. inqolrie* aho^M be^i 

ins «>• dead peraon or in.tllutit.ii la Intended, and any such .ln.ll.rlly which may nbl la purely ci 
,1 may not be .old eitcept by authorized dealer* and la aold .object to the condition* (hat It .hall w 
ju.d. nor In a mutilated condition. 

CRAZY EXCLUSIVE: LEE MARVIN JUST BOARDED THE LOVE BOAT AND IT SANK. 




Do you put every letter you get into 
your mag? I dare you to be dumb and 
print this letter! 

Tom King 
Suison, Calif. 

Dear Tom, 
See how stupid we are are! 



I think CRAZY is ready great and I can't 
believe people write nasty letters about 
it jas few as I've read.) For all those who 
don't like it — keep your big mouth shut 
because a few of us really enjoy sick 
humor! 

Valerie Morris 
Blanding, Utah 



Dear Valerie, 
Yes, but ev 
horn or.' 



In issue #50. in the Incredible Hunk, 
you dummies really messed up. In the 
first panel, David said, "like most of the 
other lines they give me to say that gets 
me so made. . ." You put an "e" on 
mad and made it made! 

Jay Hawhshead 
New Orleans, La. 

Dear Jay, 

That was no mistake. We just didn't 
want to give our competitor a free 
plug! 



In Crazy No. 51 , I liked the satire on 
Mork and Mindy, Could you do it on 
Eight is Enough? 

Charlie Wallace 
Ironton, Ohio 



Dear Charlie, 
We did it already, 

enough! 



and one is 



I really love your magazine. But you 
made a mistake in issue #51 . On 
"Quotes You'll Never Hear Them Say," 
you did not put in a quote for Marcel 
Marceau. . . 

Kara Helms 
Bloomington, Ind. 



Dear Kara, 

Now we'r 



at a loss for words! 



i fewer enjoy CRAZY 



My mother said your magazine was a 
waste of paper! 

Chris Casio 
Bovey, Minn. 

Dear Chris, 

That's not true! CRAZY magazine is 
printed on 100% recycled toilet 
tissue! 



SACRED 

COWS 

MAKE GREAT 

HAMBURGERS 



Could you start putting out CRAZY 
paperbacks? 

Mark Arnold 
|a, Ca. 



Dear Mark, 

Sure! Where would you like us to 
put them? 



Issue #50 was so funny, I couldn't 
stop laughing! 

Danny Villalva 
Chala Vista. Ca. 

Dear Danny, 

Are you sure that wasn't our sales 
report you were reading? 



Could you do a satire on the rock 
group Kiss? 

David Eick 
Phoenix, Ariz. 

Dear David, 

Can you get them to lie still on our 
printing press? 



I started reading your magazine when I 
was put into the county jail for six 
months. I've still got five months to go, 
so keep me in mind, and keep up the 
good work! 

Vernon Hites 
Tiffin, Ohio 

Dear Vernon, 

Thanks! And while you're in there, 
could you look around for our proof- 
reader? 



I think CRAZY is great! I got a 
subscription to CRAZY for Christmas! 
Cherie Carpenter 
Livonia, Mi. 

Dear Cherie, 

, We told you Santa Claus was a 
sadist! 



I happen to love your magazine so, 
please print my letter. . 

Mitchell Hahn 
Brooklyn, N.Y, 

Dear Mitchell, 

Okay, which letter would you like? 
A? B? C?... 



a si A4.uvd 3Hi di 



I read issue #50, and it was M.R. 
[Mentally Retarded)! 

Kimberlee Minor 
Foster City, Ca. 

Dear Kimberlee, 

We printed your letter. It was W.T. 
(Waste of Time)! 



The reason I read your magazine is 
because the magazine I ordered (an ex- 
cellent, interesting, and intellectually 
stimulating magazine) went out of 
publication, and I got stuck with CRAZY, 
a cheap imitation of the magazine I had 
ordered . 

Mike Tesh 
Brinkwater, Va. 

Dear Mike, 

So, National Geographic went out of 
business, huh? 



You guys are fantastic! Could you do 
something on Saturday Night Live? 

Tina Kapera 
Lansing 

Dear Tina, 

We try to, but we keep getting 
kicked off the set! Would you settle 
for Sunday Morning Taped? 



I think you guys are realty super! 
Anyone who does not like your 
magazine is not only crazy, but a criminal 
in the eyes of humor! 

Donna Leuoey 
Dante, Va. 

Dear Donna, 

If that's so, then the entire country 
should be behind bars! 





I like your magazine a lot. I read all the 
letters people wrote about the mistakes 
in the magazine. Well, I think if someone 
likes the magazine, mistakes shouldn't 
matter as long as you can still read it! 
Leslee Wyatt 
Austin, Tx. 



I think your magazine is great! Could I 
have a free issue for saying this? 

Phillip Robinson 
West Srookfield, Mass. 

Dear Phillip, 

Sure! But please send us 60<P for 
postage! 



, ■ 



I've spent so much money that it 
wouldn't be right to stop now, right? 

Angel Archilla 
Bronx. N.Y. 

Dear Angel, 

Wrong! Stop buying CRAZY, and 
just send the money you save directly 
to us! And don't tell anyone; it'll be 
our secret! 



You made a mistake in issue #46. You 
put "Famous Clones" on page 8, when 
on the contents page you listed 
"Famous Clones" on page 38! 

Steven Grubbi 
Charlotte, N.C. 

Dear Steven, 
Oh well . . . easy clone, easy go! 



Dear Leslee, 
Thanx fer the voat uv konphidense! 



There's something I would like to 
know: how can you stand all that 
criticism? How can anyone stand for all 
those put downs? 

Tammy Young, 
Buffalo, W.V. 



I thought my biggest mistake was join- 
ing the Army, but I topped that one by 
buying this CRAZY magazine. Keep up 
the lousy work! 

PVT. Gary Dunn 
Ft. Benning, Ga. 

Dear Gary, 

We will if you will! 



I think you have the best magazine in 
the world. I also read CRACKED and 
MAD, but CRAZY is my favorite. Could 
you do a satire on MASH? 

Lisa Fry rear 
Louisville, Ky. 

Dear Lisa, 

Sorry, but all our satires are done 
on paper! 



Dear Tammy, 

We might stand for criticism, but we 
always sit for a put down! 



I've been buying your magazines as 
long as you've been putting them out. 



TAKE A LETTER TO CRAZY 
Marvel Comics Group 
575 Madison Avenue 
New York, N. Y. 10022 



IV «AIFRE 

One of the few hits of the television season takes place in a taxicab company. That's why when 
some people call this show "hackneyed", they aren't kidding! We, however, prefer to call it just 
plain. . 



ft 



Writer: Murad Gu 



Hi, I'm Wobbly! I'm a 
| frustrated actor who 

ind a decent role! I 
iTo prove it, just look at I 
I I'm doing here 
and alter a 



n Ellen) 
I (rated art dealer and 
I painter who can't get 
n exhibition! I don't 
.now why . . . my last 
how».s.i,ri«ol I 
■ great finger paintings! 
Guess nobody buys 
paintings of fingers 
anymore! So I drive 



I'm John! 


m a frus- 1 


trated 


country hump- 


kin w 


thno 


persona 1- 


Ityl First s* 


ason, the i 


produ 




arried me 


off.. 


butt 


ven that 


didn' 


make 


me inter- 


esting 


Whe 


n 1 ask my 


wife i 


she 


'njoys her- 


elfin 


ny co 


Tipany, she 


says 


that' 


all she 




So 1 


drive ocab!| 



Lewdlel 

sr like the rest of 

s morons! Why, I'v 

got brains I haven't 

even used yet! I'm sell 

ish, I'm a liar, a cheat 

and a tightwad! And 

points. . .nobody e 
sees my bad! 



Yobbada boddaba /abaka bokvovabo dabaka yabbaba 
Thank you very much! 




v di aihioows show huom cnnoM an s.nswom 













Boy . , . New Yorkers are s 
paranoid! I'm your driver 
Pete's sake! 1 have to kru 
where you're going! 


(or 




Are you kidding? The cabbies on this show always 
work at night! That way nobody can tell that thi 
scenes are set up in a studio, and not on 
York City locations! 




I Don't tell me, let me guess . . . you're going to have a baby 
1 the back seat, right? Or you want to hold me op? Or lea\ 
I ¥2,000 in the back seat? Or go to the Brooklyn Bridge so 
i talk you out of jumping? 



Strangest I 



Some woman didn't want to give me her 

address. ..so we spent the entire evening 

in a drive-In movie! 




I'm gettin' rid of oil the slimy pollution in this city! And I'n 
gettin' rid of all you foreigner^ Whaddayo soy to that? 



An' next, I'm gonna get rid of all the llisy acton! 
An' then the macho boxersl An' then . . . 



Don't you 
order me 
to work, 

man! Don't 



J We don't need any filth like you, man! I don't like 
thort people either, see? I'm gettin' rid of all 
"I your kind! But I'll give you a flghtln' chance 
. . .meet me at Kelsey's gym ot 5 o'clock and 
! we'll have it out. . .man to monl 





- Jtpv - )) ' 



You're right. . .it took much 
too long! Shouldo used 
them horseshoe* in my 

gl.-.-- 
. . .but Alecks talked 
out of it! 





I'm going to start making 
the rounds in my acting 
work! Might even splurge 
ond get some 8x10 glossy 
photos and a resume 
printed up! 



my boxing! Who knows. . . 
I might work myself up to o 
flyweight champion some 
day 



What's a stunning bomb- 
taxi driver anyway? I'm 
going into a field where I 
can put my looks to work 
, , . like maybe a sales- 
girl in Bloomingdale's! 



I'm going to get a job 
where I con Improve my 
dull personality! Hmm. . . 
wonder how long it takes 
to get a degree in 
accounting? 



i, all I know 
drive a taxi. 




M Sd331S HBHlVdQOO 3H1 



Yabbada 

bakada 

dabodo 

bada? 



great idea, Letgo! I'll get into your line of 
work! I mean, you've done nothing but folk 
gibberish your whole show-business career, and 
it's done wonders for you' 




First came the Muppets television 
show. Then we had the highly- 
successful Muppets movie. It seems 
that Muppets-mania is rapidly 
spreading throughout the country. You 
can say that Americans are becoming 
puppets of the Muppets. Who knows 
where it will stop. . . 



WHEN THE 
OVER 



ON TELEVISION THE MUPPETS WILL TAKE OVER WITH SPINOFFS LIKE THESE. 

POLICE PIG— the story of an undercover porker, as played by Miss Piggy: 




CORN M*A*9*H— the sage of a veterinary unit during the 
Korean War, starring Rowlf: 



THE INCREDIBLE WART— the tale 
who turns into a big hulk, starring 



of a meek toad 

Kermit: 



Flea 

infestation! 




iNOIi.?yVd3B 



MUPPETS FAMILY SERIES- MUPPETS SOAP OPERAS-with 

starring Miss Piggy and Fozzi Bear: Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog: 



MUPPETS TALK SHOWS— starring 
Kermit and a bunch of animals: 

But 




MUPPETS TAKE 
AMERICA 



Writer: Michael Pellowski 
Artist: John Reiner 




BEFORE LONG, MUPPETS WILL BE RUNNING FOR ALL KINDS 
OF POLITICAL OFFICE. . . 



I'B— f n >^ M 



When elected President I promise to put o pond in every 

yard. . .and a fly on every tongue! I won't be a political 

puppet! No one will ever pull my strings! I'll make everyone 

in Washi ngton jump! Tha t is, if I don't go and craakl 

"'"ioVSP 




ONCE ELECTED, MUPPETS WILL NO DOUBT MAKE IMPORTANT STAFF MEMBERS WILL NATURALLY 



RADICAL CHANGES IN THE CAPITOL: 



BE MADE UP OF FELLOW MUPPETS: 




TO TOP IT OFF, AMERICA'S FIRST LADY WILL BE TURNED INTO A REAL HAM. 
t lovely. 



WHAT? I'll make 


{YIPESl Press 


mlnco-moat out 


Conference 


of you, toad 


cancslledl 


puss! 


| Gangway! 




WITH A MUPPET IN THE WHITE HOUSE, OTHhri MUPPETS WILL SOON BE IN 
POSITIONS OF POWER, AND THEN THE TAKEOVER WILL BE COMPLETE. 

OR. STRANGEPORK WILL TAKE CHARGE OF THE NUCLEAR POWER COMMISSION: 



- Dr. Strangepork will now prove thalL 
] exposure to nuclear particle 

absolutely no harmful effects! 




Right now the doctor 
bathed in a nuclear shower) 
moment we'll see the result) 

the test . . . 



==S0 




THE GREAT GONZO WILL 
BECOME THE CHIEF HEAD OF 
THE SECRETIVE C.I.A.: 



THE SWEDISH CHEF WILL HEAD 
UP THE DEPARTMENT OF CON- 
SUMER AFFAIRS. 



THE SURGEON GENERAL OF THE 
UNITED STATES WILL BE (WHO 
ELSE?) ANIMAL: 




SAM, THE AMERICAN EAGLE, WILL BE APPOINTED 
COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF OF OUR ARMED FORCES: 



I'm not like those other bird-brains in Washington! I know 

thot the only way to protect America is to drop a few 
atomic eggs on the Reds! I never liked Cardinals anyway] 



LASTLY, THE BUDGET DIRECTOR OF THE ENTIRE 
COUNTRY WILL BE NONE OTHER THAN FOZZI BEAR: 



Ahh. . .1 plan to decrease federal spending by cutting ex 
penses to the "bear" necessities! Ain't that a honey of i 
plan? I'm stuck on it myself! Thank you, thank you. . .the 
still got Itl 




With vampires the big rage this season, it figures they'd come 
out with their own publication like. . . 




Writer: Virgil Diamond Artlit: Tony Tallorlco 



— MONSTER SALE— 

FOR THE VAMPIRE WHO HAS EVERYTHING 




. . don't let good weather spoil your 
summer vacation! Now, with our product FOG 
MACHINE, we guarantee you'll have your 
best vacation in centuries. Each aerosol can of 
FOG MACHINE contains enough mist to 
shroud an entire graveyard. One quick spray 
will keep the kids happily romping for hours 
among the tombstones, while you and the 
Mrs. retreat to your twin coffin for a little 
"necking". FOG MACHINE comes In two 
varieties: London Fog or Los Angeles Smog 
. . .so please specify your choice. 
BONUSrAct now and receive a rare record- 
ing of that great song from the 1730's: 
"Tiptoe Through The Tombstones", sung by 
Tomby Tim. 

SEND: 3 bugs to: FOG MACHINE 
-23 Lake Eerie Drive,, [can't, C.U. 




VAMPIRE 
BRIDES: 

GIVE YOUR 
HUSBAND 

THE 
BRUSHI 



Yes, give the man of the castle our new 
Electric Fang Brush. . .the perfect 
oral-hygiene product for keeping vam- 
pire fangs clean. Electric Fang Brush 

cleans those hard-to-get-at blood 
deposits which accumulate between 
fangs . . . and it also eliminates those 
cobwebs which always seem to collect 
around the molars. 

BONUS: If you act now, we'll send you 3 
free gifts: a tube of Fang Paste, a spool 
of fang-floss, and a booklet entitled, 
"Why You Should Go To Your Dentist 
For A Checkup Every 200 Years"! 

SEND: $3.42 to, 
SUCKERS UNLIMITED 
96 Lookmanocavities Street 
1fi Wishy, Wash. 



JUMBO 
PLASTIC BAGS 

Each JUMBO PLASTIC BAG is 6 feet long and 
3 teet in diameter. These babies are strong 
... we guarantee they cannot be penetrated 
by bones, eyeglasses, fingernails, loose den- 
tures, or pointy South American jogging shoes. 
Perfect tor the disposal of your garbage or vic- 
tims! SEND: 

3 bucks (the ones with antlers) to: 

JUMBO PLASTIC BAGS 

Pine Box 

Dracu, La. 



irJAttoeeiNG VjL. 


".'^-■s^. 




HpSK 


£? 


/^T-ARTERV 


BUM I 






1§§- 


\]4- C 'EM SI 0OHE 


APPlE 4+i 




k VEIN 


'~ I ~ fee 




f\" l RUL N 



NECK 
CHART 

WARNING: 
LOOK BEFORE YOU BITE! 

Every year, 2,000 vampires lose their 
lives because they choke to death on 
their victim's Adam's Apple. However, if 
you buy our product, NECK CHART, 
you'll never have to worry about becom- 
ing one of this year's statistics. And fur- 
thermore, by using NECK CHART, you'll 
learn how to master "The Art Of 
Avoiding Bones". 

SEND: 5 pennies (or one neckel} to: 

NECK CHART 

Box 3, 

Anato, Me. 




SUNPROOF 
TENTS 

Are you the rugged outdoors type who fre- 
quently takes the family on camping trips? 
Well, if this description fits you, then we're 
sure you'll love our SUNPROOF TENTS. They're 
lifesavers. . .guaranteed to block out 100% 
of the sun's fatal rays. And each of our Sun- 
proof Tent Kits comes complete with silver 
tent pitching stakes, just in case you, or 
any member of your family, becomes bored 
with the outing and decides to commit suicide. 



$4,444.44 x 4% sales tax to: 

Bat Scouts Supplies Warehouse 

24 Henny Youngman Bullevard 

Takemylife, Pleez 



Which one 01 The Two 

Products Below can Help 

You Secure The Most 

Nourishment? 




If you guessed A, you're right! B is a 
common household flyswatter, but A is 
our new product ... the Mosquito Swat- 
ter! As every vampire knows, mos- 
quitoes are competition for his favorite 
beverage. . .and who needs competi- 
tion? 

So buy the swatter above the A . . . 

and eliminate mosquitoes today! 

MOSQUITO SWATTERS 

Sold at leading malaria clinics 
along the equator. . . 



K.'.J Now showing at the K..V$ 

■J cmem lugosi t: 

(in the heart of Great Neck) 

The Vampire Dogs 

(Their bite is worse 
then their bark!) 

The Vampire Dogs are everywhere 
... no mortal canines are safe! 
See French Poodles and German 
Schnauzers drop like files! See 
dies drop like fleas! Better yet, 
see The Vampire Dogs. . .their 
bite is worse then their bark! 
The only way The Vampire Dogs 
can be killed is to force-feed them 
commercial dog food! 
SHOWS: At midnight, 1:45 a.m. 
and during any solar eclipse! 
MONDAY SPECIAL: Free toilet 
bowl plunger and can of cycle-4 
to first 500 vampires! 





Crossword Puzzle 



VAMPIRE QUIZ: 

HOW EVIL ARE YOU? 

Take this test and find out what your E.Q. (Evil Quotient) is! 













F 




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a|t 


H 




e 
A 


B 
B 






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V 






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G 


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A 

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Across 3- The movie about a vampire with a 

1- TUB most popular Agatha Christie delormed back is called The 

movie in Transylvania is . . Of 

On ThB Nile. Notre Dame. 

2- The movie about a man-made 4- Dracula's lavorlle horror iilm actor 

vampire is called Is 

Price. 

3- Robat DeNiro won an academy 5- The actor who played Sherlock 
award nomination for his acting Holmes in mosl of the Sherlock 
role in a movie about the Viet Nam Holmes films is named 

war which was called The _ _ _ Rathbone. 

Hunter. 6- A famous vampire comedy team 

DOWN who had their own TV show in the 

2- The Star ot the newest Dracula 1 950's was called 

movie is Langella. and Costello, 



(1) What would you bring to the 
scene of a plane crash? 

□ warm blankets 

□ the police 

D a mug and several 5-gallon 

(2) My opinion ot The Ayatollah 
Khomeni is as follows: 

cannot trust anyone whose 



first n 



a is "The" 



I know nothing about the rev- 
olution in Iran, since my 
newspaper boy stopped de- 
livering to my castle 4 



□ I like The Ayatollah because 
he approves of bloodshed 

(3) Band-aids are valuable because 
they: 

□ prevent injured humans from 
developing an infection 



D prevent injured vampires 
from developing an infection 

D enable vampires to save the 
rest of their vlcflm for a 
late-night snack 

(4) If a woman gave birth to quad- 
ruplets, you would call the 4 
babies: 

□ conformists 

D a before-dinner cocktail 

(5) When you haven't had a bite to 
eat all week, you would: 

□ ignore the urge to overdrink 
and, as usual, choose a 
gorgeous blonde 

Q choose a gorgeous blonde, 
but one who is slightly 
overweight 

□ go to the nearest All-Bite 
Diner and have a feast 



SCORING 

a-lf, at this very moment, blood is streaming down your chin, you're 

b-if. at this very moment sunlight is streaming down your chin, you're 
not evil . . . you're dead! 

c-if, when you look down, you see The Snake River Canyon, you're 
Evil. . . Knelvel! 



Last year they gave us the fantastically successful dlsghoul dancing 
record "Saturday Bite Fever" ,. . and now the musical event of this year 
is sure to be their new foul-up album. . . 

The All-Time Gravest Hits*** 

BAT GEES 




Hear The Gibb Brothers (Morbid, Robat and Batty) sing their gravest hit 
records of all time, including . . . 



■ Stayin' Alive 

• Bite Fever 

■ How Deep Is Your Blood? 

• I've Got To Get A Coffin To You 

• Jive-Stalking 



• Thirst Ot May 

• Bites On Broadway 

• How Can You Mend A Broken Heart? 
■ Spirits Having Flown 

• Run From Me 



LETTERS 

TO THE VAMPIRE 




Dear Vampire, 

Do vampires gel upset when they become 

bankrupt? 

Stakebroker 
Di>ar Stakebroker, 
No, ihcy enjoy being in Ihe red! 



Dear Vampire, 

Are you sure thai people who can'i 

reflection in ihe mirror are vampin 



Dear Vampire, 

Doe; Dracula ever hire domestic help? 

A. Lincoln 

Yes, aboat every 100 years, a girl comes to 
his castle and clears Ihe cobwebs! 



What's In The Name 
COUNT DRACULA? 



Collin 


G e O r g e Ha 


NoctUinal 


d r i Nk 


slake 


Death 


p now 1 


f Angs 


neCk 


L U g o s i 


Iransy Lvan i a 


18 bAi 



Dear Vampire, 

Why is Dracula a great believer in vitamin 

B-12? 

Dr. Carlton Fredericks 

Dear Dr., 

Because il prevents his future vision from 
becoming anemic! 



Dear Vampire, 

What's the nicest thing y 

pire? 



Dear Vampire, 

What's ihe difference between Count 

Dracula and The Internal Revenue Service? 

Bela Lughosily 

Dear B. U, 

One biles for red, while Ihe oilier biles for 



Dear Vampire, 

I'm an ordinary mortal who would like to 
know when it's safe lo socialize with a vam- 

Gloria Vanderbilt 

Dear Gloria, 

It's safe to socialize with a vampire only if 
you're an albino! 



Dear Vampire, 

What's motionless, is covered with 
newspaper shreds, has blue skin, and a 
frightened look on his face? 

Hex Reed 

Dear Hex, 

The movie critic who gave a bad review to 
Love Al First Bite! 



TOP TEN SONGS 

OF THE MONTH 

(as reported by CASHBAT Magazine) 

• I've Got You Under My Skin 

by Fang Sinatra 

• It's Fun To Bile At The YMCA 

by The Village Vampires 

• Bitethovens 5th Symphony 

by the Lugosi Fangharmonic Orchestra 

• Fangs For The Memory 

by Hickey and the Tooth Fairies 

• Sucker To Me Baby 

by The Jugular Veins 

• Will You Love Me Forever, Or Is This Just Another 
One- Bite Stand? 

by Fleetwood Mac (featuring Slevie Necks) 

• Star Fangled Banner 

by The Transylvania Bat Corps Marching Band 

• A Little Bite Music 

by Wollang Amadeus Mozart 

• Fog Gets In Your Eyes 

by Martha & The Veindellas 

• HI, Babe, Wanna Neck? 

by The Rolling Bones 




Blood Stain Remover: the perfect gift for the 
sloppy drinker. For further intormation. write 
to 43 Shakespeare Drive. Outoutdam, Spot. 

Frisbees that glow in the dark. Kids love 'em. 
although graveyard night-watchmen don't. 
$4 to: Ronald McDonald Sales Gimmicks 
That Didn't Work. Dept. 8. Makesme, III. 

Even vampires have a military obligation. Join 
The Vampire Corps and protect Transylvania 
against another invasion by mortal Hollywood 
filmmakers. Wrile: 22-34-46 Hike, Ghoul 
Recruiting Station, Coff, In. 



Crypt 54, for the best in Disghoul Dancing. 
Live entertainment. Live drinks. Special rates 
for Bloody Marys. 

Vampire State Building Tours: Personally- 
escorted tours of FJathattan's 2nd largest 
skyscraper— and when you reach the top 
floor you'll have a great view of the 8 million 
suckers who live there. 

Black Paint: each coat will last lor 100 
years. Perfect for repainting coffins, or can 
be used as a hair-dye. Order your Vidal So- 
soon Home- Improvement and Hair Products 
Inc. available at leading graveyards 
everywhere. 



IN NEXT 
ISSUE 




d Stamps for Vampires on Welfare! 

• How to Convert a Tombstone into a Handball Court! 

• Vacation Tips: Avoid Ihe Blackjack Tables in 
Gambling Casinos-lhe Slakes are Too High! 

• Going on a Trip lor a Few Months— Why Not 
Sublet Your Coffin? 

• Ralph Nafler warns: "Avoid the Carcinogens 

in Meat— Suck only the Blood ol Vegelarians!" 

. . . and other 
blood-curdling articles ^"-i- 



. •#*$ 



Sn°* 

• HERTS 

Bandaids 



T«e s 



* of 00 K UTZ 



STINX 

Cigars 



• E-ZFAWL 

Skis 









Glue '* 

. oetx .**«* 

uppers 




• SMEERZ 

Lipstick 

Ps ">kili ers * e 



.sHOiT-Hose 

Tissues 

""""""-as/, 

.OTTA^ US 

Cameras 



BRAND-NAME 
PRODUCTS YOU 



SHOULDN'T 



Sleeping P* 




• JOHN INN-HOCK 

L "e Insurance 

. O.UA* 

Vitamin P'^ s 



G «*es 



. STIK-KEE 

Deodorant 



" 9 **y pHit« 






* B«-AK LONGG 

Cigarettes 



""Cream 






•**&*" **"* 



Bte rsent 

P1K-POCK-1T 

Wallets 

. GREEZY 

Breakfast Sausages 

°es S " re * . FUMM-eUSS 

Fruit Juice 

• SPLITZ 

Stretch Pants 

'sss> • bott ' out i 

^J*^ whiskey .jSt 



CRAZY VISITS THE WORLD'S 
LARGEST SUPERMARKET 



Writer: Howard Taylor 



Artist: Walter Brogan 




You must moke 



it of money on fact-food it> 



Yes. . .people are in our store so long, they keep eating 
what ihey bought just to stay allvel We g" 
openeri and let them use the Microwave 




1" 


e heard that you have economy -*lie packages. . like 20 [ 
times the size of an ordinory box of detergents? | 








lYes. Actually it's one big box with 20 regular-site boxes 
i inside. . the customer pays even more per box! 






T 


at seems to be the new thing. . . economy-size, . .| 






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3rket?| 



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(or shopping cart parking tlcketil 



We used to poy people to pretend rimy were 

shoppers and wotch for shoplifters! Now we've even had to 
pay people to pretend they are employees just to spy 
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35 



LOOK 
AT THE 

GAS 
CRISIS 

Writer: Hops HIrsch 
Artist: Ron Zalme 






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IF YOU'VE STILL 00T THE ENERGY, TURN THE PAGE. 



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NEW CARS 



DESIGNED TO COPE 
WITH THE CRISIS 




THE WINDMILL AUTO 

To take the wind out of the OPEC oil-producing nations' sails— and 
sales— Detroit has come up with the Windmill Wonder Car. This model 
won the Indy 500 in a breeze . . . and the price tor this car that gets 
2,000 miles per gallon will reatly blow your mind. What's more, if you 
take passengers, everyone can go Dutch! 



THE PEDAL PUSHER PLYMOUTH 

This vehicle propels passengers down the highways of America on 
the same pedal power used to keep bicycles moving. Four psycho- 
cyclists can get this model into lunarcy orbit in less than a minute, and 
there's no sweat getting from New York to California— but only if you 
can find a route that's all downhill. 




THE GREYHOUND 

While gas-guzzling cars are going to the dogs, gas savers can also go 
to the dogs in quite another way. Specially-rigged autos connected 
with teams of greyhounds can get 75-miles-per-hour on Purina dog 
chow. Only danger is, these Greyhounds have been known to veer 
off the road when they see a cat! 



THE GET-A-HORSE MODEL T-HAW 

"Get a horse" is exactly what one enterprising U.S. car manufacturer 
did— rigging one horse after another to an auto until he had an eight- 
horsepower job that has the Arabs back riding camels instead ot 
Cadillacs. The deluxe Get-A-Horse Model T-Haw sells for only 
S13.500 plus license fees for horses. And that ain't hayl 




THE RUBBER BARON 

With the spare tire serving as the seat, this four-wheel wonder con- 
sists of four tires mounted on axles and tied to a fifth wheel in which 
sit the driver and his passenger. It really burns rubber and not 
gasoline, but there's one problem. It works well going down-hill, but 
who wants to push it up-hill? 






THE JACKS-OR-BETTER LIMOSCENE 

All you need to travel anywhere in the world in this car that uses no 
gas at all is a good imagination . That's because the car, held in the air 
by jacks, never really gets off the ground. All you need to zoom along 
at 120 mph is to think you are going places. And going places you 
will be— mainly to the local loony bin! 




THE SUN ROOF SPECIAL 

With a catchy singing commercial that goes, "O solar mio . . . O solar 
you-o . . . ," the Sun Roof Special is really taking off. So are sales of 
suntan oil, as drivers flock to get great suntans when exposed lo the 
rays of the first solar-powered sedan. No wonder, in the era of long 
gas lines and short tempers, the Sun Roof Special gives drivers a sun- 
30 iy disposition! 



THE BUGGY 

WASPS will just love this replica of the 1930's buggy, and so will 
hornets, bees or any other bugs that are trapped inside these cones 
—and whose wing-power keeps the Buggy bouncing along. Because 
the car can go at a 1 00 mph clip, owners needn't worry about traffic 
cops bugging them. Maintenance free— unless caught in a Raid! 



DRIVERS 9 ED" 

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW 
ABOUT THE GAS SHORTAGE 

(or "Cood Things Come To Those Who Wait") 




Q. If it's an even day and your car has odd 

plates, how do you get gas? 
A. Repaint the last number on your car— a 1 

into a 4, a 3 into an 8, etc. — or eat 

O. How much gasoline would a Texan be 
able to carry back to his empty car— stuck 
three miles down the road— if he walked 
into a gas station without money and hat 
in hand? 

A. Ten gallons (in his ten-gallon hat)! 

Q. What can smoking and bathing in gasoline 

do for you? 
A. It can light up your life! 

Q. What can we say about the high cost of 

gasoline? 
A. HELLLLLP! 

Q. What woula Hollywood do today with 
Bing Crosby, Dorothy Lamour and Bob 
Hope? 

A. Cast them in "The Road To An Open Gas 
Station"— would there be lines for that 



Q. How do we know the gas in your tank is 

educated at the best schools? 
A. It's refined! 



Q. Would you, John Q. Commuter, buy Car 
A that gels eight miles per gallon, Car B 
that gets 1 2 miles per gallon or Car C that 
gets 16 miles per gallon? 

A. None of them— I'd get a house near fhe 
railroad sfation! 

Q. What good did the gasoline crisis do7 
A. It took bumper-to-bumper traffic off the 
highways and put it at the gas stations! 

Q. What are the Arabs saying about Moses? 
A. He led his people to the Promised Land, 

but if he'd made a wrong lurn, the Israelis 

would have all the oil) 

Q.What kind of jokes do oil company 

workers like best? 
A. Crude ones! 

0. Where do you usually find gas? 
A. The same place you left it! 

Q. How do you find oil? 
A. You dig a hole in the ground and make a 
noise like a thirsty car motor! 

Q. What's the best way to heat your house in 

the winter? 
A. Build it on the Equator! 



Q. What do some people put in their car to 

make it run? 
A. Vaseline petroleum jelly! 

Q. Which expression will best sum up Ihe 
gas shortage when it comes to an end? 
A. Oil's Well That Ends Well! 

Q.What do you call the non-oil producing 

nations? 
A. The NOpec countries! 

O. Why do cars use so much gasoline? 
A. Because they're driven! 

Q. What can yow-say about people who slop- 
pily allow Iheir tanks to overfill at self- 
service stations? 

A. They're "slick" customers! 

Q. How do angry patrons on the gas line at 
Texaco react when other drivers try to 
buck the line? 

A. They tell them to "go to Shell!" 

O. What did one oil company executive try to 

do before a congressional committee? 
A. Exxonerate himself! 



READY FOR MORE? THEN GET ON LINE AND TORN THE PAGE 








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to 



TO LEE MARVIN: 

Sorry you've had those lawsuit woes 
And that you've been so harried. 
Next time there's romance on your mind, 
Maybe you should get married! 



TO RICHARD NIXON: 

Hail, ex-chief, in San Clemente; 
Of solitude may you have plenty. 
We send our wishes, in this song, 
That your retirement will be long! 



TO BURT REYNOLDS: 

A thousand would-be Romeos 
We know you have inspired, 
But frankly, with so many 
Aren't you ever tired? 




Artist: John Reiner 



TO WALTER MONDALE: 

Happy birthday, dear veep, 
//,- Happy birthday to you. 
Just keep trying harder 
'Cause you're No. 2! 



TO HUGH HEFNER: 

A cheery salute, Hef, via this wire. 

May your future always be sunny, 

With plenty of time for some happy play, boy, 

Along with your favorite bunny. 



TO HOWARD COSELL: 

One question we have for the master, 
Our land's most talked-about s 
Must you always be so full 
Of poly-syll-a-bic gas and bull? 



TO ANITA BRYANT: 

We're singing you this telegram 
\ Of greetings on a special day; 
We hope your birthday's lots of fun, 
Though not exactly gay. 



TO WALTER CRONKITE: 

We in your listening audience 
Claim you're a TV whiz; 
, .™, You're what we choose for evening news, 
'£-% And that's the way it is! 



Today, more 
With this in 



You Should Learn To Love Yourself \ 

Rock stars love themselves, and always let other people know it. To develop self-love, you should try the follow 




^WM L 




yourself, and say the words: name ; 



town, wearing a butt 
ing: "I Am Beautiful!' 



You Should Be Very Skinny 







Official Rock Superstar 
HEIGHT-WEIGHT CHART 



If Your 
Height Is 



5'0" 
5'1" 
5'2" 
5 '3" 
5'4" 
5'5' 
5'6" 
5'7* 
5'8* - 



Your Weight 
Should Be . . 



97 pounds 
97 pounds 
97 pounds 
97 pounds 
97 pounds 
97 pounds 
97 pounds 
97 pounds 
97 pounds 
97 pounds 
97 pounds 
97 pounds 



WRONG WEIGHT RIGHT WEIGHT 

,„ {FOR ROCK SUPERSTARS) 



n. talentless clod like you has a chance to achi 

AREER GUIDE: 



lig BuckS In The World Of Music) 

you Should Know How To Sing 
Three Words 



mg rocK singing as a pro 

ion. In (act. you don't eve 

nils have three words or less! 



: Virgil Diamond Artist: Walt. 

The Songs You Sing 
Should Be Coniusina 




ingless lyrics. So you will be more successlul it you sing vague, u 



/ou Should Have A Trademark — 
Like Large Sunglasses 



You Should Stuff Your Ears 
With Cotton 




\ *vfpfy/ 




Jj.%1, 






XSM7SP0RTS 



Sporting goods manufacturers are constantly 
improving their products. They already have 
automatic-pitching machines, spring-operated 
tackling dummies, and special-spiked shoes that 
can make you run faster and jump higher. 
Since athletics is such big business, we figure it 
won't be long before we see this array of. . . 

Jogging nuts who run at night will have sweat-bands Amateur bowlers will have bowling balls with target 



i headlights so they can see where they're going. sights mounted on them to Improve their scares. 




Golfers will have magnetic balls to Newly-designed floating golf balls Golfers will also have golf bags with 

use, ones that are attracted to the will also be made available for duf- robot legs so they won't have to lug 

metal flagpoles in the holes. f ers . around their clubs. 




People just learning to roller skate 
will be able to use skates with train- 
ing wheels and padded sweat-pants. 



Armor-plated wet suits will be made 
available for scuba divers who happen 
to be afraid of sharks. 





Writer: Michael Pellowski Artist: Charles Nicholas 



EQUIPMENT OF THE FUTURE 



Football players will wear jerseys with bulls-eyes on 
them so that they won't miss tackles. 



Archers who aren't very good shots will be able to 
use newly-made remote-control arrows that newer miss. 




Robot cheerleaders who are 
perpetually energetic and tireless will 
be available to all sports teams. 



Instead of 

lumping, 

gracefully 



falling to the ground after 
pole-waulters will float 
with mini-parachutes. 



Boxers with glass jaws will have 
special punch-proof chin-straps to 
keep from getting knocked down. 




H 3113NI01NW 3IUVW 



Baseball players will have bionlc arms 
which will enable pitchers to pitch 
every day without tiring. 



Furthermore, in the game of baseball, 
bionic arms will be able to cut down on 
the number of home runs. 




DRIt 
LIT 



To keep from getting lost, cross country cyclists will Luxury racing bikes with all the comforts of home will t 
have bicycles with built-in robot navigators. available to the cyclist of the future. 




Basketball games won't have so many Hockey players will have specialty- Taped cheer-tracks, similar to TV 

time-outs as robot bloodhounds will sticks, similar to golf clubs, to be used laugh-tracks will be used by Inferior 

quickly locate lost contact lenses. in different-type situations. 

^5 



teams to drown out the boos. 




Baseball catchers will be able to sit on 
mini-stools so that they won't need to 
squat behind the plate. 



Walkie-talkies will be used by the cat- 
cher to tell the pitcher what to throw. 
Instead of using signals. 








SUDDEN THOUGHT ON 
ACUPUNCTURE; 
IS IT PENICILLIN 
THAT CURES US 

OR JUST THE NEEDLE? 



OF THE MONTH 



ATTENTION WORLD- 

YOU THINK OEDIPUS 

HAD A PROBLEM? 

ADAM WAS EVE'S MOTHER! 



DOW SHALT NOT KILL 



OIL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT 



WRITER: PAUL LAIKIN 




LOS ANGELES. CAL. ,' . . The gas 
is still in the news this month. Stetson is 
limiting its hats to 7 gallons. One fellow 
pointed out that because of NASA we 
could go to the moon, but because of 
OPEC we can't even go to the beach! 

WASHINGTON, DC. . Jimmy Carter 
has finally come up with a plan to keep 
brother Billy out of the public eye and 
make people forget him. He's going to 
let Bill run on his ticket in 1980 — as 
Vice-President! And speaking of the 
President, he got a little annoyed with 
Amy the other day. She asked him to 
buy her a Teddy bear! 

DULUTH. MINN. . . . Psychologists 
have announced that they are working 
on a new way to make people give up 
smoking. What they will do is tell people 
that smoking is good for them! 

CHICAGO, ILL. . . , How bad has the 
economy become? At a recent political 
dinner, the keynote guest spoke on how 
he would stop inflation. Charge for the 
dinner? $500 a ticket! 



TEL AVIV, ISRAEL. . The first Israeli 
X-rated movie is scheduled for release 
this month. It contains ten minutes of 
blatant sex. followed by an hour and a 
half of guilt! 

DES MOINES, IOWA. A local farmer 
has reported that he put LSD in the 
chicken feed on his farm. He now claims 
to be the only farmer to have chickens 
who lay scrambled eggs! 

BRIDGEPORT, CONN. . A 17-year- 
old boy here has divorced the 92-year- 
old woman he wed recently. The 
reason? If turned out it was just a 
physical attraction he felt! 

UPI EXCLUSIVE: Alexander Graham 
Beil is alive and well in New York and still 
waiting for a dial tone . . . 



■4-y 



In the pas! we figured that anyone who saw a flying saucer waa-either a nut or a liar! Now however, people 
who sight U.F.O.'s are not branded as kooks. In fact, having an encounter with an alien being is now some- 
thing to be proud of! Thusly, all kinds of people are coming forward today to tell their. 



Writer: 
Michael Pellowski 



CRAZY TALES OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS 



Artist: Gary Brodsky 




A poor, starving family in Appalachia claims to have been 
visited by a giant 230-ib. alien chicken from outer space a 
little over a year ago. . . 



When questioned by Air Force officials, the family described 
the alien as friendly, tender and mainly, delicious when 
smothered with gravy! 




Henry P. Hotchkiss, a garment center worker from Hoboken, 
N.J., claims that he had a close encounter with a hideous 
alien monster over 20 years ago. . . 



Henry didn't report the ugly beast to the authorities how- 
ever, but married it instead. Mrs. Hotchkiss absolutely de- 
nies her husband's story! 




Mortimer Meek, a salesman from Detroit, Michigan, claims Meek says the alien didn't take any of his cash or credit 
that an alien thug from outer space held him up in a dark cards, but stole all his travelers' checks and every single 
- alley just two months ago. . . button he had on him! 




Patty Pickle of Peoria, Illinois, claims 
that a Martian knocked at her door and 
tried to give her a free pet zork. Miss 
Pickle slammed the door in his face as 
she already has a goldfish! 



Billy Bloato of New York City, claims 
that a creature from outer space con- 
fronted him one night on 42nd Street 
and asked for a quarter for a cup of 
Korko, but bought wine instead! 



Al Ames of Anaheim, California, report- 
ed that one night last spring he awoke, 
looked out of his bedroom window and 
saw two alien juvenile deliquents steal- 
ing his car's hubcaps! 




World-famous angler, Sam Hookem of Austin, Texas, said an 
alien from Neptune visited his mountain cabin while he was 
on a fishing trip last summer . . 



Everyone dismissed the tale as merely another one of Sam 
big fish stories until Mr. Hookem produced irrefutable e 
deuce to support his claim! 





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Sylvia Pitts of Philadelphia, Pa., claims an alien from 
Pluto, who looked like a beagle, molested her during a 
midnight stroll in the park. . . 




She swears that the invader sniffed her, gave her a flea- 
collar and licked her face. However, she denies he called/ 
her the most beautiful dog he'd ever seen! 43 raj 



ATTENTION CRAZIES: 




TAKE THE CRAZY 
PERSONALITY TEST AND Fll 

Writer: Marylyn Fontali 
Artist: Al Scaduto 



OUT! 



You carry your new bride over the 
threshold of a motel room on your 
wedding night and get a hernial 

YES( ) NO( > 



You're hit by a car and knocked SO 
feet away, then get arrested for 
leaving the scene of an accldentl 

YES( ) NO( ) 




You got pardoned by the Governor You're given an award from the You open the door of your new 

|ust as they strap you In the electric Safety Council and, on the way to home and the good-luck horseshoe 

chair and drop dead from the accept it, you fall and break a leg! falls down and hits you on the 

shock! YES( ) NO( ) YES( ) NO ( ) head! YES ( ) NO ( ) 




You win that big new car In the 

Church raffle, then find you can't 

drive It as you can't afford the gas! 

44 TB < • NO < ' 



You go into the woods with your 
girl, all set to make out, and get a 
sudden case of poison Ivy! 

YES( ) NO( > 



You get all dressed up and go to a 
fancy party and everyone there 
points to you because your fly Is 
open! YES( ) NO ( > 




You return a wallet you found con- 
taining $500 and the owner has you 
arrested far being a pickpocket! 

YES( ) NO( ) 



You finally get up the nerve to go 
to a doctor for a flu shot and wind 
up actually getting the flul 

YES( ) NO< > 



You buy a suit with two pairs of 
pants and, first time out, you burn 
a hole In the jacket! 

YES< ) NO( ) 




You go Into the street to avoid 
walking under a ladder on Friday 
the 13th, and get hit by a truck! 

YES( ) NO( ) 



You go trick-or-treating on Hallo- 
ween dressed as Jack The Ripper 
and get arrested as a sex manioc! 
YES< ) NO( ) 



You try to help an old lady cross the 
street and she beats you on the 
head, thinking you're a mugger! 

YES( ) NO( > 




-SCORING- 



IF YOU ANSWERED 8 OF THE 
QUESTIONS "YES" this means that 
you're a borderline loser. Better 
straighten out, buster, or you may go 
over the edge! 

IF YOU ANSWERED 16 OF THE 
QUESTIONS "YES" this means that 
you're a bona-fide loser. Better 
check out, Man, as you're too far 
gone to make it in this world! 
IF YOU ANSWERED MORE THAN 
1 6 OF THE QUESTIONS "YES" this 
means that not only are you a great 
big loser, but you can't even count! 
There are only 16 questions in all, 
you dummy! 



Your father lets you borrow the You call the phone number 

family car for the evening, you scrawled on the wall of the bus ter- 

have an accident, and he sues you! mlnal men's room and your wife 

YES ( ) NO ( ) answers! YES ( ) NO f ) 



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^M}- 




Here's anothi 
carriage. . .and 
oeing driven by 
That's (gasp) i 
believable! 
bats usually di 
batmobltesl 




Talk about familiar movie openings, how many times have we seen tha one? Too many 
times right' Well, we're going to keep on seeing that, and many other sim.lar scenes be- 
cause mov e producers are churning out new versions of Bram Stoker's vampire novel more 
"an e™° before! Already, audiences are having trouble as they look upon their movie 
screens and try desperately to — — _ _ ^ _ ^^ 

COUNT 
DRACULAS! 



Artist: 
Murad Gumen 




SLMF.' 




H3L 



J_U_ 



Sm5. 



I Through the years all torts of Draculas have been accumulating 
( . . .but there remains only one Castle Dracula! Soon however, 
n't be able to fit inside! And the frightening thing is. . 
ere's no end of Draculas in sight! 

rr 



i vorld's first comic Dracula! Listen to this... I've 
s of one-bite stands! Good, huh? Now get this 
lly feel like some "necking"! Heh-heh, huh? 



Whatever he is. 
he's driving the 
hole country bats! 





BEST BLOOCV 



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v^ilii .Uiii j.iuA 



ANNOUNCING A GREAT BIG JUMBO OF A BARGAIN! 

(THE MOST SPECTACULAR WHITE ELEPHANT SALE IN PUBLISHING HISTORY) 




SUBSCRIBE TO CRAZY NOW. . . 
AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OUR 
SPECIAL LOW SUBSCRIPTION RATE: 



12 ISSUES FOR ONLY $9.95 

($10.95 Canada: $11.95 Foreign) 



CRAZY SUBSCRIPTION DEPT. 

C/O MARVEL COMICS GROUP 

575 MADISON AVENUE 

NEW YORK, N.Y. 10022 

Enclosed is my coupon with $9.95 ($10.95 Canada; $11.95 Foreign) for the next 

TWELVE (12) ISSUES of CRAZY (including four SUPER GIANT SPECIALS). 

With bargains like this you can really get CRAZY! 




$9.95 FOR 12 ISSUES? 
HOW DO WE DO IT? 

(we go broke, that's how we do it!) 



5o(ff^lL\-7"7 . ■ -THE MAGAZINE THAT'S BECOME A HOUSEHOLD WORD! 

VjJJj-J — i_/ (good taste prevents us from printing that word here) 



BONUS CUTOUTS 




MINI PLAQUES 



'TIS A WISE MAN 
WHO DUCKS 
BEFORE THE 
CAMEL SPITS 

GOD 
ANSWERS 
ALL PRAYERS 



IF AT FIRST YOU 
DON'T SUCCEED. . . 

STOP! 

NO USE ACTING SILLY 



DOIT 
TOMORROW 

YOU'VE MADE ENOUGH 
MISTAKES TODAY 









INSANITY IS 
HEREDITARY 



DO UNTO 

OTHERS BEFORE 

THEY 

DO UNTO YOU